mom: don't eat the cookies yet, they just came out of the oven and are too hot
me: fire cannot kill a dragon

d0nn0:

d0nn0:

what do you say to simba if he is walking slowly

mufasa

sloth-grunge:

*takes nudes in the Apple store*

urbancatfitters:

if u watch closely while i take tests u can see me mouthing profanity at the test paper

svveden:

bunnyhoodlum:

i sit on the computer for like 12 hours a day lmao

thats terrible u should try a chair

bonesandblades1:

It’s really fucked that we can just say we puked or we have a sore throat and stay home from school but we can’t say I’m too sad to go to school or I want to jump off a bridge and school isn’t the best place for me right now. Mental illnesses are just as serious as any physical illness.

Parents need to realize this.

asian:

so i’m a waiter at a japanese restaurant and today i saw a customer using tumblr on her phone so i went over to her and said  ”hey i saw that you use tumblr, do you know the tumblr user asian?” and she was like yeah, I used to follow him but I think he’s annoying so unfollowed him and i was like “yeah haha hes such an asshole right??” and she was so happy that I agreed with her lmao

kingoftheniall:

Mariah Carey and 50 Cent are officially tied for worst first pitch in history

shes-a-rebel-shes-a-sa-aint:

perfectionstoomainstream:

I’ve saved this since March to post.


I FUCKING LOVE YOU YES YES YES I WAS THINKING THIS TODAY TOO I POSTED IT EVERYWHERE

shes-a-rebel-shes-a-sa-aint:

perfectionstoomainstream:

I’ve saved this since March to post.

I FUCKING LOVE YOU YES YES YES I WAS THINKING THIS TODAY TOO I POSTED IT EVERYWHERE

assiest:

you can’t spell thug without hug

image

proctalgia:

when u try to tell ur friends a pun

image

funayurei:

people who confront tumblr users that unfollow them

image

Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!
Audience: *cheers*
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!